Before the Birth

Several days before my birth a woman on a VBAC email list was upset. She wanted to try for a home birth and her Dear Hubby said "no way" so I shared my journey with her, and now I share it with you.

After my 4th c/s I was thinking we were done having kids. Two perinatologists told me the OB was wrong, and the "window" didn't mean I would rupture next time. So it was safe to get pg again.
I was at a La Leche League conference and there were some tables sset up by midwives. On a whim I asked them about a vbac after 4 c/s and NO prior vaginal deliveries. I was shocked when they said there was no reason not to consider it. So when we were pg w/ our 5th the research began in earnest. I EXPECTED to find that I needed a c/s. I was sad, but knew that would be the only sane choice.
Only I found the opposite. I found mounds of research stating I "needed" to have a VBAC, in the name of safety and sanity. My DH flipped. Only a little at first. Then he found out I was going to see a midwife or a D.O. not an O.B. and thought that was really insane. When he found out that my chosen care provider only does home births he LOST IT. He loves me, he loves his children, he loves this family. How could I risk EVERYTHING he treasures? He believed I was conspiring to commit suicide, murder, or both.
We had some terrible moments. Some soul crushing times. Some "this may be the end of my marriage" minutes. My heart, and his, split open. I TRIED then to agree to "just reschedule" but it cut me to the core. I cried like I have never cried. I fell into a pit of despair the likes of which I hadn't know EXISTED. One night, sobbing, I typed out the raw emotion of it all. It took days to muster the courage to email it to him. To say "I'll do this for you, but ONLY if you help me through the emotional trauma of it". He was sad, angry, scared. He said I needed therapy. He didn't understand. He said I was crazy.
Days, maybe weeks, went by where we didn't speak of it.Finally I asked him to read my research and meet my Dr. In exchange I would see an O.B. and I would read his research. He agreed. He sent me ONE article, and I had already read it. I told him to keep emailing, printing, etc. I said it was important to ME that I read the SCARIEST articles out there. If I wasn't willing to LOOK at the worst-case then it was very irresposible of me to take these risks. He was relieved.
The next day I sent him 2 articles and he didn't read them. I said he needed to look at the RISKS of a repeat section if he wanted me to take those risks. That it was irresponsible for HIM to choose this option if he wasn't willing to look at all of its pros and cons. He stopped sending me things, he didn't read what I sent him. He said he knew I was going to "try" and that he wanted no part of it. At first I was upset.
Then he said a hospital OB birth (c/s) is free. We can't afford a home birth. He wouldn't even pay co-pays on my appts. I was devastated AGAIN! But I started emailing the midwives and the D.O. again. The few who would take on a VBA4C. Now I was asking them to do it for ONLY what the insurance covered plus whatever I could do to "work it off". To my surprise the D.O. said No Problem. She said "its more about the births than the dollars"
My poor DH. He must have been equally devastated to learn I didn'tneed his support, his presence, or even his MONEY LOL!! He says he won't be here. He'll meet me at the hospital when I transfer. He's taking the 2 littlest kids to his sisters house.
My friend is coming to be with the older 2 kids, to meet their needs, explain things etc. I trust her to respect MY needs whatever they may be (in case I decide I CAN'T have them in the room or whatever). Another friend will come be my support person. My doc is very calm and reassuring and will stay for a long labor and for several hours afterward. Its going to be great. I'm 40 weeks now. Soon I'll be holding my first vaginally born baby, nursing him or her in my own room. I can't wait!