The thing about the water

so, you know, we all have quirks right? Its not *just* the in laws. Even *I* have quirks. I'm not afraid to admit it. So I have this *thing* about water. I grew up in a house where "water is for washing" and we just didn't drink it. I was a koolaid kid. I grew up. I discovered the pleasures of icy cold water in a condensation covered glass. I love me some icy cold water now.
But I'm a freak about it. I like tap water (oh the horror) but only from our city. I come home from vacations dehydrated. I drink just enough to sustain life until I get back to my beloved water. I used to drink Diet Coke. But slip me a can made in New York and I'd practically spit it out- made with the wrong water you know. I drink water all day- and all night. I have to pour out the water instead of adding to it every couple of hours. Especially before bed. Because otherwise its going to stale by breakfast time.
Yes, I said my water would go stale. It tastes dusty to me. And old. And its just nasty. Once my sweet husband put a glass of water in the cupboard. And I left mine right there in the fridge door, which is where I like it to be unless I am sitting right beside it (I'll get to that). When at LAST I had been busy long enough for MY water to be room temperature he gleefully brought me a glass of water. They looked the same. But I took a sip and made That Face, you know the one, the one all 4 year olds make when eating liver and brussel sprouts (except me since I LIKED those things even as a 4 year old). I declared it stale. He accused me of seeing the dust-collected cupboard water. He sputters there is NO WAY it tastes different. Whatever- it does to ME, Freak-at-your-service.

Now the other thing is this. If you have small children you may have listened to a few Raffi songs. Perhaps you know "the sharing song"? I tend to alter the words when it comes to my beverages. My version is "Its mine and you can't have some, with you I'll never share it, cause if I share some with you, you'll have it all" I'm not afraid they'll drink it all. I just don't want it back. I will lick my husbands tongue, but I don't want to share water with him. I wipe my childrens butts, but I don't want to drink after them. I took a shower with 3 extra people this morning- so I'll share my soap but not my cup.

When I travel, anywhere, I bring my precious water. Ten minute run to the store? Have water will travel. Sometimes I spend a day with my mom. I start with my glass of water and all is well.... until she reaches over and drinks some. I see her lipstick smudge on my glass and feel the bile rise into my throat. Of course it would be rude to say "you evil wench! you ruined my water!" so instead I say "gee I'm in the mood for a juice" and I buy me a juice, and her a pop. And all is well... until- Ohhh Myyyy Goooood she's drinking my juice! WHY? Why? WWWHHHHYYYYY? and she says "mmm you choose the most interesting flavors" And so then I must say "gosh I think I want a pop. She offers me her coke. I say "ohh I'm in the mood for a sprite" and she says "that sounds delightful! we'll split one!" So I say thats a great idea. And I buy a sprite- and ANYTHING else. Some red pop or omething. I get back in the car and say "oh I saw this and it looked too good to leave behind, but heres your sprite"
And you know damn well she just HAS to try it.

So if this is how I feel about people, relatives, imagine what happens when my cat walks by and sticks his paw in my water and licks it and sticks it back in over and over. The Horror! Soooo unless I am Right There to gaurd my water it must live in the fridge door where it is safe from harm. But other people, instead of sliding it to the ice side while they get their water put it on the counter! And leave it there!! And then............... cat paws.

Night after night I woke up to Exposed Water. So I had a brilliant idea. I am a GENIUS! I solved the problem! I.... boobytrapped my glass!!! I lay my eyeglasses over my water glass and head to bed. If the cat tries to drink my water the glasses will be knocked off and I'll know! YES! I'm saved!

Some times my water tasted funny. I decided it was stale and refilled. No trauma. No drama. UNTIL.

Until yesterday. My baby got me out of bed at 10 to 5 and we wandered into the livingroom, headed for my water. There on the table stood my cat. Right beside my glass! And WHERE do you think his paw was? Thats right. IN MY WATER! And he deftly pulled it up, NOT knocking off my glasses and licked it. And then? He looked me in the eye and dipped that paw again. I swear to you he smiled at me with great smugness while he did it.

Meanwhile I considered amputating my tongue. My cat-germ infested tongue.